Monday, 5 March 2012

Elves in the dark and a swift escape

'Ugh was pretty mad so we threw chunks of ghoul at him.' - Betty

Betty gave the stranger a measured look. He looked harmless enough, probably wouldn’t last more than a few minutes in the caverns. She took a long draft of her ale. “Well stranger, if you’re buying I’ll tell you about our latest expedition. Milgos, my employer, was still as weak as a kitten. He’d tried to rest but well… have you ever seen a fish out of water? Thrashing around as it gasps for breath. Yeah that’s how Milgos looked as he tried and failed to sleep. Burke, the torch bearer, had to piggyback him when we figured it was time to go. Lucky for Burke elves are light. The elf had this idea that a secret door was close. Turns out it was just a pit trap and the bulky half orc took a tumble. He was really mad about falling in to the pit. You could hear him at the bottom of it cursing up a storm and hacking into things in his furry. We had a bit of a laugh and started throwing things like ghoul chunks into the pit so they would land on him. After a bit we decided to get him out.”

Betty patted the coiled hemp rope at her side. “I always carry rope for just these sorts of occasions. Beatrice and I started hauling him back up when a bunch of orcs comes round the corner. They start bellowing at us to surrender, Milgos bellows back and in the end it comes to blows. We put the orcs to flight then haul up the fighter as quick as we can. Turns out the half orc was carrying his mangy pony sized dog with him on the way back up, no wonder he was so heavy.”

“We don’t know where we are so open the closest door which leads into a pitch black room. In it lurked an elf, who went down quickly under the fangs of Fang. Fang is the name of Ugh’s hound. Imaginative types these half orcs. We loot the elf and press on only to come across a statue that comes to life. It chases us all the way back to where we started. We ended up hiding behind a secret door till the beast left.”

“With Milgos sick things were desperate. We needed to find a way out fast. The elf figures we should follow the orc blood. He reasoned orcs wouldn’t normally be this far underground and they must’ve retreated to the upper levels. He’s smart. It turns out he was right. Following the blood trail led to stairs going up. Lucky for us no beasts were near to hear our cheering the discovery of ascending stairs, or if there were, they were smart enough not to tangle with us.”

Gnome statues are bad news
Betty drained the remainder of her ale. The stranger nodded to the bar keep and her tankard was swiftly replaced. “Where was I? Oh yes ... running. We bolted up the stairs taking them two at a time. We followed the winding corridors. At one point we came across a room full of cobwebs. We hadn’t the heart to go in. Spiders are never good news. Another room we entered had the evilest looking gnome statue in the centre. Ugh got cranky just looking at it and started hitting it with his sword. Eventually he realised he wasn’t wrecking the statue, just his blade, so he quit. The gnome got his revenge though. When the half orc went to leave the room, the gnome shot him in the back. A quarrel was lodged between Ugh’s shoulder blades. Ugh is like an ox though, he just shrugged it off and kept going. He didn’t even stop to remove the bolt. We eventually came across some familiar corridors and raced to the surface as quick as we could. Milgos is well again, though Ugh is still whining about needing to talk to his dog or some such nonsense.”

Betty staggered to her feet, all those ales had gone to her head. “Best be off. Milgos will be waiting. He’s headed back underground and he’ll need my sword. You can join us if you like?" The stranger blanched. "Nah, didn’t think you had the spine for a delve. Thanks for the drinks stranger. If the gods are good I’ll be back in a day or two with more tales.”

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